the girl with golden hair

she sits there besides a window in her house closing her eyes ,annoyed and disatisfied by this world ,she wants to ignore everything around her and forget  all her sufferings in her life .she is in a pensive mood thus, she wants to take rest from this world as she has suffered greatly that now her patience and faith in god has collapsed .she moves her fingers between her beautiful hair only to make herself feel, to be accompanied .her golden hair shines because of the blaring sun rays in the sky  . she sits there by the window only to seek god one day and ask the reason for her sufferings.she had always suffered from a fate of abandonment .thus she was abandoned by her parents ,abandoned by her friends and then abandoned by her lover who promised to never leave her and at last felt abandoned by her god . Her tears roll over  her cheeks and then towards her lips which have been waiting for a smile.her tears shine like jewels speaking of a history of what she had.  She is not weak or coward but instead strong, strong  with her emotions and brave to live everyday alone.these tears gives her celerity to be calm and go on and on in her  life  .she may not find god one day but she may find herself to be sucessfull in every relationship .she has not been able to play a role in a normal life but  she needs to let go and move on with what she got and  start a new fresh life . Today she just needs to understand that this is just a lesson of her life and she needs to face it gracefully for a bright future.she may be exhausted but she has not died, inside her still lies a girl who's just waiting there for a perfect life. A period that's just waiting for her, she just needs to wake up and get out and shine like her golden hair because its my belief that one day she will find a family of her own.

my wishful imagination

What do I want?

The question that I usually  ask myself.   What do I want? What is my dream, my wish.?
I want something exceptional  and vast than this world , something that is not valuable but still could earn me happiness,something that I tend to find at places where I go.
And that  is Silence.. A place filled with Silence and serenity that would offer me taciturnity . I want to go to a place where I could freely be  with myself and be happy with what I am.sometimes  I want to sit besides a lake surrounded by beautiful massive trees where I could hear the fishes to fight against the water,  trying to come out of it only to seek the shining  rays of the sun that would  be trying to give me warmth  only to surround me so that I could never feel myself to be alone. I want that I could sit on the soft ground that just accepts me for who I am.I want no ones presence instead of myself and silent companions who would be giving me more than anything in the world and that is, a wide smile on my face that could last for a lifetime. I want to sit near the lake  so that I could have a time of pure silence with my shadow that has  been quite tired with me so that I could have a time with myself, a time in which I could have no thoughts instead of capturing the mesmerizing, beautiful nature in front of my eyes accepting me and waiting for me for a large period of time.
I want to close my eyes and feel the wind to move across my face trying to find a smile  across it again and again. I would want a rhythm to fly around me, a rhythm that could reach till my heart and give me love,a rhythm that is unsung or unheard ,a rhythm that has been within me.
I would want to cry, not for any purpose but so that the teardrops could roam around my face and give me strength to rise  and fight again,teardrops filled with allegiance and memories  that I cherish  ... I want the sun to be as bright as it could be so that it could give me a big hug, that I have been waiting for, a hug that waited for me,  to give me glee and to make me feel accompanied.I want to sit back with myself and watch the sun and clouds play hide and seek. I want to watch the sun move right above me and at Last seeming that the  earth swallowed the glowing sun.. Then I would would like to view the sky to change it  colours dark and light as if changing it's dresses and at Last exhausted ,  wears a dark blue, black gown that would shine all around that my eyes have been waiting for.. I would want to lie down on the ground which would be filled with young soft grass and where I could smell the soil and not be bothered of anything.I would want to see a shooting star that would make the sky glow a little by its presence. ..I would like my soul to retire for a while from out of my old body and fly around the dark mountains waiting for the sun to come and  glow and try to reach the stars and fly high  only to feel the freedom from this world but would want to return back and move into my body that has been with me for a while now and have celebrated everyday together. I would want to breath in the smell of wet soil and the fresh air that would surround me. I would for a small time would like to forget who I am and just remember myself as a strong soul trying to find its path for a never ending journey.this silence gives me myself, gives me who I.am.. When I'm obscured or filled with anger I just try to peek into this world of perfection that is just an imagination  that not only repairs me till my roots but also gives me peace which I sometimes try to find which is always inside me....